Who are you, really? 🥸
Make sure you check out the recommendation at the end of this email. It's 🔥.
A series of questions to set the stage for this email:
When you think of yourself, what are the words you would use to describe you?
When you describe who you are to someone else, what are the words you would use?
When someone else describes you and you’re there, what words would they use?
When someone else describes you and you’re *not* there, what words do you think they use?
How do you actually show up, compared to how you think of yourself?
You probably have *very* different answers for each of these things. Some true, some false. That's how layered 'identity' is.
Our individual identities have layers upon layers upon layers. They’re complicated. They’re messy. They’re so many things at once. They're filled with truth and assumptions, reality and fantasy.
Identity has always been such an elusive thing to me. Does it ever feel that way to you?
Let’s talk about it in the professional sense -- Sometimes I wake up and wonder who I’m going to be today. It all depends on what I’m working on that day or how I have to show up. Sometimes I'm the President of Orthris. Other times I'm a podcaster, an actor, an investor.
But when it comes down to it, I'm someone who likes to create or work on things that help shift a paradigm or perspective within someone in some way, shape or form.
I wear many hats just like all of you do and it’s taken me a long time to weave everything together in a way that works.
When someone asks who you are and what you do, your gut instinct might be to say something like, “I’m the [enter your role here].”
But, you could also be a musician, actor, writer, baker, pet parent, amateur bird watcher, hobbyist race car driver.
On a super high level, you might have figured out a theme like the one I shared for me above.
And on a personal level you might also be a mentor, a brother/sister/sibling, a son/daughter/someone's kid, a friend.
You are all of those things and all of these things are you; they’re all a part of your identity.
Enter: The weird space that is "ASSUMPTION."
Sometimes we call ourselves one thing that everyone is used to seeing us as, and never the other things, because we’re afraid it'll clash with the expectations or perception other people have of us.
AKA, a single identity based on assumptions.
Can I let you in on a secret? For the longest time I resisted telling people outside of the entertainment industry that I was an actor. AND thought other actors perception of me would be, "Oh, she's not serious about the craft" because I also ran a business.
(My assumptions were wrong about both of those things.)
It sounds absurd when you see it written out, right?
Business Selena and Creative Selena had messy narratives and assumptions running through their heads, and the irony is others have felt this same way which was one of the reasons *why* I created PermissionLESS in the first place.
I've long since gotten past those thoughts. BUT reflecting on it is great because it's a reminder to myself that my thoughts and fears were part of a past identity I've since grown beyond. You will grow beyond your thoughts and fears too.
Think about where in your life you’ve been resisting embracing an identity because you didn’t feel comfortable calling yourself that “thing" , being too many things, or were worried about other's invisible judgment.
(Most people are concerned with themselves and thinking of a million other things that aren't you tbh, so stop worrying about it and do the damn thing.)
Part of me always wanted to know what it would feel like to have one solid concrete “thing” to call myself. But then I realized life isn’t about that *at all* and neither are our professional pursuits.
We’re multi-faceted human beings. It’s impossible for us to be just “one thing” and we need to be comfortable with showing up in all the ways we feel compelled to each and every day.
So, who are you? What’s your identity?
Say it. Declare it. Each and every thing.
I am a “________________”
AND
I am a “________________”
AND
I am a “________________”
AND
I am a “________________”
Try this: Next time the topic of "who are you" or "what do you do" comes up in conversation, say what you feel deep down in your soul you are, but maybe not fully comfortable embracing as an identity in public.
"I'm an actor."
"I'm the host of the PermissionLESS podcast."
Your turm ---> "I'm _________________________"
Life is a series of identity shifts.
It's filled with moment after moment of deciding who we want to be, what shoes we want to fill, and how we want to show up in the world.
It’s okay to be everything and nothing at all.
Cheers to being a multi-faceted, layered, complicated, while also simple human being,
Brain Fuel
In & of Itself on Hulu. (1 hour, 30 minutes)
This is a must-watch on the topic of identity. Derek DelGaudio is a magician and he put together a show with a live audience about identity, self-awareness, and how we perceive ourselves. It’s sobering, funny, uncomfortable and introspective, and has great storytelling.
This show (documentary? Live show? I'm not sure what it's considered) made me think for *days.*